but what if Ellen Degeneres and Neil Patrick Harris hosted an award show together
I’m like 90% sure no actual awarding would be done because they’d constantly be trying to ride off each others bit and it would turn into like a three hour comedy skit
and it would still be the greatest Oscars
why haven’t they made a game where you can play as a hogwarts student aND JUST GO ABOUT YOUR EVERY DAY LIFE AS A HOGWARTS STUDENT
if anyone ever calls you a slut just say ‘and yet i still won’t fuck you’ and then blow them a kiss as you saunter away because that’s the closest they’re ever gonna get to your magnificence, o smaug, chiefest and greatest of calamaties
did you just call smaug a slut?
i’m sorry i did a thing
Sam is like 30000% done with their messages.
three cats are competing in a race. there’s an american cat named “one two three”, a german cat named “ein zwei drei”, and a french cat named “un deux trois”. the cats all swim across a lake. the american cat finishes first, the german cat finishes second, but the french cat is nowhere to be found.
because the un deux trois quatre cinq
IM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THIS JOKE IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IT I FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU
"…The water was swollen both with the melting of the snows at the approach of summer, and with the daylong rain; but they crossed with some difficulty, and pressed forward, as evening fell, on the last stage of their journey. This was much as it had been before, except that the company was smaller, and more silent; also this time there were no trolls. At each point on the road Bilbo recalled the happenings and the words of a year ago-it seemed to him more like ten…”
"its dark im scared"
dont worry bae i got this
*sketchers light up*
REMEMBER THAT PART IN THE ODYSSEY WHEN ODYSEUS TOLD POLYTHEMUS THE CYCLOPS HIS NAME WAS NOBODY AND THEN HE STABBED HIM IN THE EYE WITH A GIANT STICK AND HE STARTED SCREAMING AND THE OTHER CYCLOPS YELLED FROM THEIR CAVES AND ASKED WHAT WAS GOING ON AND POLYTHEMUS SAID THAT NOBODY HAS HURT HIM AND THEY WERE LIKE WELL THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP